var Quotation=new Array() // do not change this! Quotation[0] = "Time is of the essence! Comb your hair."; Quotation[1] = "Sanity is a golden apple with no shoelaces."; Quotation[2] = "Repent! The end is coming, £9.95 at Amazon."; Quotation[3] = "Honesty blurts where deception sneezes."; Quotation[4] = "Pastry satisfies where art is unavailable."; Quotation[5] = "Delete not, lest you, too, be deleted."; Quotation[6] = "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Noel Coward
"; Quotation[6] = "All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Charlie Chaplin
"; Quotation[7] = "Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Dick Clark
"; Quotation[8] = "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooks
"; Quotation[9] = "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Peter Ustinov
"; Quotation[10] = "Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
T S Eliot
"; Quotation[11] = "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers
"; Quotation[12] = "The wisest mind has something yet to learn.
George Santayana
"; Quotation[13] = "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
William Shakespeare
"; Quotation[14] = "When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is any thing you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
Edgar Watson Howe
"; Quotation[15] = "Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
"; Quotation[16] = "What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde
"; Quotation[17] = "Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Andy Rooney
"; Quotation[18] = "The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
Bill Gates
"; Quotation[19] = "Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
Doug Larson
"; Quotation[20] = "To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Farmers' Almanac
"; Quotation[21] = "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Isaac Asimov
"; Quotation[22] = "In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.
Unknown
"; Quotation[23] = "All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
Unknown
"; Quotation[24] = "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Albert Einstein
"; Quotation[25] = "If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
Albert Einstein
"; Quotation[26] = "Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong.
Dr. Thomas Fuller
"; Quotation[27] = "Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Mark Twain
"; Quotation[28] = "Facts are stupid things.
Ronald Reagan
"; Quotation[29] = "All great change in America begins at the dinner table.
Ronald Reagan
"; Quotation[30] = "I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Ronald Reagan
"; Quotation[31] = "When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page.
Bill Clinton
"; Quotation[32] = "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.
Peter Steiner
"; Quotation[33] = "If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
Edgar Watson Howe
"; Quotation[34] = "In this life he laughs longest who laughs last.
John Masefield
"; Quotation[35] = "Any piece of clothing can be sexy with a quietly passionate woman inside it.
Unknown
"; Quotation[36] = "I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
Garry Shandling
"; Quotation[37] = "A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
"; Quotation[38] = "I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw
"; Quotation[39] = "When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
Don Marquis
"; Quotation[40] = "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Edgar Bergen
"; // ====================================== // Do not change anything below this line // ====================================== var today = new Date(); today = today.getDate(); var Q = Quotation.length; var whichQuotation=Math.round(Math.random(today)*(Q-1)); function showQuotation(){document.write(Quotation[whichQuotation]);} showQuotation();